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Dating Your Father Is Awkward!

February 5, 2012

Nature may abhor a vacuum but my love life seems to exist in one. My hottest date this week? A movie with my dad. And not ever a fun movie but a serious documentary.

After a couple of meetups, Christmas Party Guy – the whole reason for the revival of this blog – has moved to the Friendsville Recycling Bin. On the one hand, it sucks because we’re very compatible and he’s awesome. On the other hand, it’s great because we’re very compatible and he’s become an awesome friend. We’ve had fascinating conversations about everything from the politics of Stephen Harper to how to deal with an idiot who believes Greedo shooting first was an improvement on the original. We’ve also had frank discussions on life and relationships. We’ve reached a point where I feel comfortable running personal questions by him so expect to see him pop up from time-to-time when I share his take on events in my dating life.

Of course, I’m still totally open to the option of us getting drunk some night and stupidly making-out. But then, who isn’t?

The joys of online dating continued, this time in rap form. That’s right, rap. A guy sent me a message which was a rap about us getting together. When I rapped it to myself – very quietly and in the privacy of my own home – it actually wasn’t that bad but there were a few lines in it which were, well, they were complimentary to my boobs but objectified women in general. Not really the way to sweep me off my feet. Also, to make some of the lines work, he used atrocious grammar. Look, you can make up dirty rhymes about my rack all you want, but ‘interested’ should never be two syllables. Both me and my titzizzles have standards and you have failed to meet them.

A friend left for India this past weekend. She was dreading the trip because she knew that her grandma and aunt already had a bunch of potential suitors lined up for her. “It will be a parade of eligible bachelors through my aunt’s living room. I’ll be expected to be in full dress every day in case an unexpected suitor shows up at the door. Ugh. You have no idea how much I’m going to hate this trip.” While I understand where she’s coming from, I also envy her for the fact that her family is setting up a grab bag of possible future husbands for her to check out while my mom just asks me if maybe my standards are too high.

That’s pretty much my dating life for the last 10 years: my dad still pays for my movie-watching, chalk up yet another addition to Friendsville, my boobs get more attention than my face, and I secretly wish I had an arranged marriage just so I could say “I’m married, mom. Shut up!” even though I know that then I’d just whine about arranged marriages being another way to control women and treat them like property.

Yeah, I’m shocked I’m still single too.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Carolyn permalink
    February 6, 2012 10:15 am

    Purely for purposes of satisfying the parental need to marry off their children, would you like to pretend we’re Mormon and join The Boy and I in wedded bliss? We’d gladly accept you into our nerdy fold!

    • February 6, 2012 4:57 pm

      I’m all game for it but I’ll have to ask the cats. They don’t like other cats or humans so that might be an issue.

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